Better resources for supportive SOFFAs

I had a partner during the majority of my 1st year on T. We broke up for multiple reasons but the more I reflect on it the more I realize a major difference between her situation vis-à-vis my transition and mine own.

Before and during transition I found an incredible network of resources for FTMs both in the real world and online. The 2 combined got me through all the bumps on the road and dealt with pretty much all the aspects of my life (eg from the bedroom, through the medical institutions to civil transition and the working world). Nothing's perfect and I'm still slugging through some stuff but really there was usually at least some small space to discuss part of all my issues. When all else failed, I could turn to one of my closest bros and talk to them about it.

I’ve tried to understand how to avoid past mistakes so I looked into what would have been available if the roles had been reversed and I'd been in her place. I have found little to nothing for those who support their partners but can experience care giving burn out, or want someone to discuss aspects of the transition that affect them (eg identity shift to invisibility) without coming under (unjust) fire of being transphobic. There’s a weekly group at the 519 but it 's geared towards people who recently found out their partners are trans and/or are not accepting of this fact. The same seems to be true of most communities I’ve found online. This is great and I applaud those who run such groups but that doesn’t address the needs
of SOFFA’s who are supportive but too often at the cost of overlooking or downplaying how transition affects them. With all that’s out there for trannies I think it’s time to devote much more energy towards our lovely SOFFAs.

I've been speaking with an ally friend and she will do what she can from her side to find as many SOFFAs as possible who will be interested in coming together to create resources and networks that address care giving burn out, create a safe space to discuss anything from abuse to other negative aspects too often unjustly perceived as transphobic, etc… What I want is to know which of us trannies are game to help these amazing people to come together. The 1st thing that came to my mind was postering to advertise for a group when one is named and a space is found. I want to help any SOFFA interested into creating this space, including a search for a space for them to have and whatever else they would like me to do outside of the space/meetings themselves. Anyone else interested in hearing what they could use from us to help them continue to be as amazing as they are to so many of us?

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tyresias

October 2012

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